12.03.2004

DSM-IV Pride Day

I have this wicked smart, very funny psych med doctor who saved my life...basically. Remind me to tell you more about that someday. Now THAT'S a funny story. No, it is!

I should also tell you that Dr. X is in a committed relationship with another man and is one of the most caring, upright people I know. Very comfortable with his life. He's d*mn funny. One of the few people who really gets the "depression can be funny!" thing.

Last year, I was curled up on the leather sofa in his office and we were "going through the checklist." (You know the drill.) Appetite, sleep patterns, the desire to buy cheap glassware and smash it in the dumpster. The regular stuff.

The Gay Pride Parade had tangled up traffic and made me late for the appointment. I should have been more concerned about being late, but I was proud of myself for having started a CAR. It wasn't a stellar week.

I mentioned that I was SO out of the closet about my depression. For some reason, this spawned a whole riff on "What if the DSM-IV had its own parade day?"

Me: Yeah, the BPD's would be doing the cute little Miss America wave and smiling, then *BAM!*, they would give everyone the finger. Then they would wave some more...then *BAM!!!*

Dr. X: And the delusional schizophrenics would be singing "I can fly! I can fly!" from Peter Pan...

Me: ...in harmony with the other voices they are hearing. And the depressives? We would be just sitting in chairs. No waving. Just sitting. Or maybe they would be under really large chairs. Or just laying in beds with the covers up and there would be a big sign on the float, "GO AWAY! I'M Sorry."

Dr. X: And the music would alternate between a dirge and polka music. And all of these dancing Prozacs would run around the floats...you know? Like those clowns at the Thanksgiving Day Parade...

Me: Maybe the obsessive-compulsives would keep trying to rearrange everyone in line. Man, that would be some parade. Where's your DSM-IV? We need more floats.

Yes, my insurance pays for me to visit this man. Best money they ever spent on my mental health, actually.

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