"Thank you for holding..."

And, yes. This really did happen to me.

About three years ago, I was switching meds and the withdrawal from the med I was on? KILLING ME! ohmigodsobadmyheadisgonnablow. That kind of med withdrawal. The withdrawal also made me RAVENOUS for carbs. "Eat the whole loaf of bread at 3 a.m. kind of ravenous."

You've been there, right? When you run out of chips and bread and stuff, so you start toasting frozen hotdog buns? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Anyhoo. I was alone at home and the withdrawal was SO INTENSE that I decided I needed someone to tell me, "It's okay. You're okay. You'll live." And it was 3 a.m. No one I know is awake at 3 a.m.. So who should I call?

The Suicide Hotline, that's who!! Even though I didn't feel like "going there", I knew they will be on the other end of the phone and that they are used to dealing with this kind of thing. But I had to really think before calling. I'd never called before. I didn't want them to overreact or panic on my behalf or send the fire department over. Nothing like that. But they must take phone calls pretty seriously, right? Because...hey...they ARE the SUICIDE HOTLINE. And that is, well, a really important number.

So, I called. I dialed the numbers nervously. It rang on the other end, connected, and I was PUT ON HOLD.

Let me repeat that. THE SUICIDE HOTLINE PUT ME ON HOLD. I could have been calling BECAUSE I was sitting on a ledge somewhere instead of on the floor in my hallway. WTF?

So, what did I listen to while I was on hold waiting for the Suicide Hotline people? "I Just Called to Say I Love You." By Stevie Wonder. On a LOOP! No joke.

I didn't want to kill myself when I called them. But after five minutes with that song, I was all "SLIT MY WRISTS NOW! NOW! WHERE IS MY BIC SHAVER?!"

I hate that song. I hung up.

After I didn't have to listen to that song anymore, though? I DID feel better.


At 1:20 AM, Blogger The Ursine Calamity said...

Astounding... I've actually worked at a suicide hotline, and it is unbelieveable to me that that would be allowed to happen... wow... I'm speechless.

At 6:01 PM, Blogger EJ said...

Ok....that is just so twisted and wrong I was laughing my hind end off. Ok...yeah...I have toasted a few hot dog buns in my day too.

If you hadn't put in bold that it really happened...I would have had to ask if this was for real. Wow!

At 9:29 PM, Blogger jane said...

They put you on hold? Doesn't surprise me. When my friend attempted suicide and I took him to the university counseling center the next day, they asked me if I thought it would be "okay" if he waited a month to get an appointment. A month.They should have speed-dialing classes for the "seriously depressed," so they can get put in the "this call will be answered in the order it was received" queue more quickly than the "only slightly" depressed.

At 11:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I laughed SO LOUD as I was reading this...just last week I was defrosting frozen bagels from the freezer at midnight! It was the last edible thing in the house! And sweet jesus no way about the hotline.

On a more serious note, I've had dysthymic disorder my whole life - at least since high school anyway...I'm really happy to find your blog. :)

At 12:34 PM, Blogger V said...

Imagine for some people, the amount of nerves and desperation needed to even dial the suicide hotline, only to be put on hold. That would drive you over the edge!!

I used to call the Gay & Lesbian hotline whenever I felt the way you did. We'd talk about window shopping and boys and then I'd feel a little better. :)

I know how it feels to switch from one med to another. I had to take a whole week off once when I was switching. I had a similar problem like yours, but only, I was trying to reach someone in the Crisis department of my health providor. Yeah, they couldn't do crap for me. I called my phsych. doctor and he was annoyed that I called him!! My head was about to blow. And my roommate was getting pretty nervous. I finally got some tranquilizers and I can't even remember it did the trick or not. But whewww.. what a week that was.


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