12.01.2004

Top Ten Reasons I Can Go with the "Depression Flow"

Let's face it. I'd rather not have it. I mean, kee-riste! Who wouldn't give it up? But if you've gotta have it, there has to be a good side. Right? Right?


#10 - The prestige. I mean, ALL of the best artists & writers have it. What? You don't have it? Too bad for your Guggenheim/Pulitzer aspirations.

# 9 - The drama. Lord knows, there is never a dull moment. "Guiding Light"? Amateurs.

# 8 - The food. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. And I will bite your hand off if you take it away.

# 7 - The Zen-ness. You feel "as one" with every droopy flower, abandoned kitten and mud puddle in the entire world. It's extremely hip.

# 6 - Reprieve from personal hygiene. Because taking a shower everyday is SO time consuming.

# 5 - Someone gets PAID to listen to you complain. God, how REFRESHING is THAT?! Thank you, therapy.

# 4 - Secret club membership. "You too? I had NO idea." Handshake, pin & membership card. We get a VIP Box at Sarah McLachlan concerts. And coupons for ready-made icing in the can as well as Hostess products.

# 3 - Freedom from fashion. Because, really. You look just FINE in sweats. And the comfort, my God! These socks. I never want to take them off. I mean that.

# 2 - Do you know how many pounds you can lose from nerves and anxiety? A lot. Just think of yourself as the Calista Flockhart of Melancholia.

and the NUMBER ONE REASON is.....

THE LEGAL DRUGS.

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