5.22.2005

Best of Depressed People Message Board

I love listening in on a conversation between funny depressed people...

I wish there was just a PsychoBot 3000 that would do the therapist's job, so that we wouldn't have to determine for ourselves if we're the biggest nutbar in the room or not. "and. how. did. that. make. you. feel? Press 1 for Good, 2 for Bad, and 3 for I wish I had a penis."

...thanks for sticking with me during this "I am the piece of shit around which the universe revolves" phase. I promise my head won't always be so firmly planted in my navel.

Stare at that navel all you need to, Honey, till YOU get tired of it.

I think I'm going to market a line of navel decorations, since I spend so much time looking at mine and it's getting a little boring now that each piece of lint has a name and a backstory. I'm thinking something with feathers and glitter to start with. Either that, or starting a psychologist-screening service like 1-800-DENTIST (1-800-MY-NAVEL?) which will take over all the shit that is too hard to deal with when you're depressed, like making appointments and talking to people and getting the insurance clearance. Also, they will dispatch the Massage Van to wherever you are, and be there in thirty minutes or your pedicure is free.

Brilliant.

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